Capitol Mystery: Is Mitch McConnell Being Operated by Remote Control?

In 2026, rumors circulate that Senator Mitch McConnell has been “functionally offline” while his staff manipulates the legislative process to block the SAVE Act. Various potential puppet masters, including Senate leaders and the parliamentarian, influence actions silently, revealing a system designed to stall bills, suggesting the Senate operates independently of McConnell. Continue reading Capitol Mystery: Is Mitch McConnell Being Operated by Remote Control?

Republicans Introduce Mask Mandate—for Democrats Only

A new bipartisan bill, humorously titled “You Loved It, You Wear It,” mandates that elected Democrats wear masks continuously, even in private settings. Republicans argue it promotes accountability, while Democrats condemn it as a publicity stunt. The proposal aims to provoke discussion and emphasize political hypocrisy regarding public health messaging. Continue reading Republicans Introduce Mask Mandate—for Democrats Only

How a Trump-Appointed Judge Turned a Legal Lecture into a Core Workout for Lindsey Halligan

A Trump-appointed judge delivered a measured and informative response to attorney Lindsey Halligan, emphasizing the importance of evidence and legal standards over rhetorical flair. This courtroom interaction, framed as a memorable lesson, contrasts expectations about Trump’s judges, showcasing a commitment to procedural norms amidst a performance-driven culture in Washington. Continue reading How a Trump-Appointed Judge Turned a Legal Lecture into a Core Workout for Lindsey Halligan

Air Force One Forced to Turn Back After Aide Realizes President Trump’s McDonald’s Was Left on the Tarmac

Air Force One was reportedly forced to turn back to Andrews Air Force Base after aides realized President Trump’s McDonald’s order had been left behind. Officials cited “critical onboard morale assets” as the reason, proving once again that no global summit comes before fries. Continue reading Air Force One Forced to Turn Back After Aide Realizes President Trump’s McDonald’s Was Left on the Tarmac

From ‘Fund ICE’ to ‘Abolish ICE’: The Great Democratic Sheep Migration

Once upon a time, Democrats funded and defended ICE. Now they chant against it like it was invented yesterday. Welcome to the Great Democratic Sheep Migration—where yesterday’s policy becomes today’s outrage, and no one is allowed to remember the voting record. Continue reading From ‘Fund ICE’ to ‘Abolish ICE’: The Great Democratic Sheep Migration

House GOP Declares War on Weak Showers, Wins Biggest Legislative Victory of the Bathroom Era

With inflation up, healthcare strained, and global crises unfolding, House Republicans have zeroed in on what they say truly matters: fixing America’s weak showers. Backed by President Trump’s long-running feud with low-flow showerheads, the GOP’s latest legislative push proves once again that in Washington, even the smallest drips can become a full-blown culture war. Continue reading House GOP Declares War on Weak Showers, Wins Biggest Legislative Victory of the Bathroom Era

Breaking: Democrats Unveil New Business Model—“Oops, That Wasn’t Fraud, That Was a Program”

The Democratic Party unveiled a new governing philosophy, reframing administrative failures as “bold investments in equity.” Critics cite mismanagement of federal funds, while Democrats propose reforms and emphasize intentions over accountability. They characterize inefficiency as integral, focusing on job creation rather than results, promising to assure voters with optimistic messaging. Continue reading Breaking: Democrats Unveil New Business Model—“Oops, That Wasn’t Fraud, That Was a Program”

Democrats Announce January 6, 2026 Hearing to Mark Fifth Anniversary of “The Vibe Shift”

House Democrats plan a solemn commemorative hearing for January 6, 2026, marking the fifth anniversary of the January 6 Capitol events, which they call a near-democratic collapse. This hearing will emphasize the importance of voting to prevent similar incidents, despite critiques of its necessity and format. Democrats assert it’s vital to remember this event annually. Continue reading Democrats Announce January 6, 2026 Hearing to Mark Fifth Anniversary of “The Vibe Shift”

’Twas the Night Before Trump-mas

The poem humorously depicts the frantic energy of Senator Chris Van Hollen on the eve of “Trump-mas.” Filled with outrage, he rushes to address the media, fixating on Donald Trump’s influence and actions. His theatrical condemnation draws attention, revealing his obsession and the relentless cycle of political engagement surrounding Trump. Continue reading ’Twas the Night Before Trump-mas