Minnesota’s Dynamic Duo Hits the Road: The “Yes, We’re Guilty of Fraud – Loud and Clear!” Tour

Minnesota’s progressive power duo hits the road with a “countdown to caucus” tour that feels less like civic engagement and more like a masterclass in scandal-adjacent absurdity. From fake nonprofits to riot-as-distraction theatrics, this satire imagines what would happen if political spin finally stopped pretending. Continue reading Minnesota’s Dynamic Duo Hits the Road: The “Yes, We’re Guilty of Fraud – Loud and Clear!” Tour

Virginia’s Redistricting Saga: The Most Unproductive Courtroom Comedy Since Hamilton Ran Out of Tickets

A Virginia circuit court judge deemed the Democrats’ redistricting amendment illegal, citing multiple procedural violations. This ruling sparked mixed reactions; Democrats called it a temporary setback while Republicans celebrated. Political analysts suggest that lawyers benefit the most from this situation. Democrats plan a comeback with a new redistricting effort. Continue reading Virginia’s Redistricting Saga: The Most Unproductive Courtroom Comedy Since Hamilton Ran Out of Tickets

Maryland Officials Heroically Condemn Federal Law Enforcement From Safe Distance of Untouched State Institutions

Maryland’s officials have condemned federal law enforcement while ignoring issues within their own correctional facilities. Governor Wes Moore and others criticized federal agencies, avoiding accountability for local problems like inmate mistreatment. Analysts label this behavior as “Accountability Tourism,” focusing outrage on federal issues rather than tackling state concerns. Continue reading Maryland Officials Heroically Condemn Federal Law Enforcement From Safe Distance of Untouched State Institutions

Trump Deploys Aircraft Carrier to Lake Superior, America Immediately Googles “Can This Even Fit?”

President Trump announced the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower’s deployment to Lake Superior to quell unrest, despite concerns over its fit in the Great Lakes. Local officials criticized the move as reckless, while it excited some residents and tourism boards. The operation serves as a dramatic show of U.S. naval power amidst rising tensions. Continue reading Trump Deploys Aircraft Carrier to Lake Superior, America Immediately Googles “Can This Even Fit?”

Annapolis Declares War on Snow, Immediately Fines the Elderly and Disabled for Losing

Annapolis and Anne Arundel County say their snow removal crackdown is about protecting seniors and the disabled. To prove it, they’re fining those same seniors and disabled residents for failing to shovel snow they didn’t ask for, can’t lift, and definitely can’t afford to ignore. Continue reading Annapolis Declares War on Snow, Immediately Fines the Elderly and Disabled for Losing

Trump Announces ‘Vote Red, Get a Green Card’ Program, Democrats Immediately Call ICE for Tips

In a move that shattered political muscle memory, Donald Trump jokingly offered citizenship to any undocumented immigrant willing to vote Republican—prompting Democrats to immediately reconsider their stance on ICE, borders, and everything they tweeted in the last decade. Continue reading Trump Announces ‘Vote Red, Get a Green Card’ Program, Democrats Immediately Call ICE for Tips

BREAKING: Scientists Confirm Mushroom Makes You See Tiny People, Ireland Nods Politely and Says “We Tried to Tell You”

Researchers have discovered a mushroom that induces vivid hallucinations of tiny humanoid beings, paralleling folklore about “wee folk.” While science cautiously validates old myths, reactions range from indifference in Ireland to commercialization by startups. Experts urge caution before consuming the mushrooms, as they hold potential yet unrealized implications for perception and culture. Continue reading BREAKING: Scientists Confirm Mushroom Makes You See Tiny People, Ireland Nods Politely and Says “We Tried to Tell You”

ICE Arrests Hundreds of Violent Five-Year-Olds Linked to Tren de Aragua, Grandmothers Busted as Getaway Drivers

ICE confirmed hundreds of “extremely dangerous” five-year-olds tied to Tren de Aragua were taken into custody this week, while their grandmothers were allegedly busted running the getaway cars—sending national media scrambling to determine whether juice boxes qualify as mitigating evidence. Continue reading ICE Arrests Hundreds of Violent Five-Year-Olds Linked to Tren de Aragua, Grandmothers Busted as Getaway Drivers

Trump’s Board of Peace: Now Hiring — Except Canada, Sorry Not Sorry

President Trump’s brand-new “Board of Peace” is already delivering chaos, cash demands, and diplomatic side-eye—starting with uninviting Canada. World leaders laugh, doves wear helmets, and peace apparently costs a billion dollars upfront. Continue reading Trump’s Board of Peace: Now Hiring — Except Canada, Sorry Not Sorry

America Discovers Blood Is Not, In Fact, Renewable

The American Red Cross has declared a critical blood shortage due to increasing demand amid declining donations. Experts believe this crisis was preventable. Many Americans are hesitant to donate due to various excuses, while officials stress the urgency for eligible donors to act. Despite the dire situation, some hope others will step up. Continue reading America Discovers Blood Is Not, In Fact, Renewable