UNKNOWN WES MOORE REVEALED AS “POLITICAL LAB CREATION,” SOURCES SAY HE WAS GROWN IN A HYDROPONIC TANK BEHIND AN IKEA

A satirical social media post claims Maryland Governor Wes Moore was not elected but “assembled” in a political lab by notable figures like Oprah Winfrey and George Soros. This fictional account suggests Moore was engineered for charisma and political ambition, sparking humorous debates about his authenticity amidst real political concerns in Maryland. Continue reading UNKNOWN WES MOORE REVEALED AS “POLITICAL LAB CREATION,” SOURCES SAY HE WAS GROWN IN A HYDROPONIC TANK BEHIND AN IKEA

EXCLUSIVE: Trone’s ICE Protest Attendance Upgraded to Phase II Invisibility — Now Featuring 5G Hologram Cena Units

David Trone’s campaign responds to criticism about staff absence at an ICE protest, claiming they operated in “Cena Mode” using John Cena-inspired clones for invisibility. This satire suggests innovative tactics like “Quantum Protest Presence” and highlights mixed public reactions, with supporters praising efficiency while skeptics question legitimacy. Continue reading EXCLUSIVE: Trone’s ICE Protest Attendance Upgraded to Phase II Invisibility — Now Featuring 5G Hologram Cena Units

Wes Moore Discovers New Theory: Maybe It’s the Job Performance, Not the Melanin

Maryland Governor Wes Moore reflects on his absence from a governors’ dinner hosted by Donald Trump, contemplating whether it stems from his performance rather than racial or systemic factors. While some advisors urged him to emphasize race, Moore entertained the notion that invitations are based on effectiveness, highlighting a rare moment of accountability in politics. Continue reading Wes Moore Discovers New Theory: Maybe It’s the Job Performance, Not the Melanin

SEATTLE CELEBRATES SUPER BOWL BY SPEED-RUNNING CIVILIZATION

Following the Seattle Seahawks’ Super Bowl victory, Mayor Katie Wilson infamously ordered the release of prisoners, sparking chaotic celebrations throughout the city. What began as a joyous event devolved into mayhem, prompting a reevaluation of criminal justice reform strategies. Officials assured future celebrations would be more organized and controlled. Continue reading SEATTLE CELEBRATES SUPER BOWL BY SPEED-RUNNING CIVILIZATION

Breaking: Trump Announces ‘Most Secure Olympics Ever’ by Replacing Team USA with ICE Agents

In a satirical announcement, Donald Trump proposed sending ICE agents instead of athletes to the 2026 Winter Olympics, claiming it showcases “American excellence.” The plan involves reimagining traditional sports as compliance exercises, leading to widespread protests and confusion. Critics question its legitimacy and impact on Olympic values. Continue reading Breaking: Trump Announces ‘Most Secure Olympics Ever’ by Replacing Team USA with ICE Agents

Republicans Introduce Mask Mandate—for Democrats Only

A new bipartisan bill, humorously titled “You Loved It, You Wear It,” mandates that elected Democrats wear masks continuously, even in private settings. Republicans argue it promotes accountability, while Democrats condemn it as a publicity stunt. The proposal aims to provoke discussion and emphasize political hypocrisy regarding public health messaging. Continue reading Republicans Introduce Mask Mandate—for Democrats Only

The Hamburglar Takes Richmond: Abigail Spanberger Sworn In, Hamburgs Immediately Missing

This week in Richmond, newly sworn-in Governor Abigail Spanberger sparked chaos as hamburgers mysteriously vanished shortly after her inauguration, earning her the nickname “Hamburglar of Hard-Earned Money.” Her controversial “Spanburger Doctrine” implies confiscating edible goods as “nutritional contributions,” leaving residents bewildered and concerned about a future without safe backyard cookouts. Continue reading The Hamburglar Takes Richmond: Abigail Spanberger Sworn In, Hamburgs Immediately Missing

Trump Deploys the Bulldozer: Tom Homan Sent to Babysit Walz and Frey After Minneapolis Turns Into a Clown Car

Donald Trump sent Tom Homan to Minneapolis to restore order and leadership amid chaotic local governance. Homan’s mission involved enforcing law and order, challenging local officials on their management of the city’s issues, and promoting accountability. His straightforward approach prompted noticeable changes in city operations, restoring a sense of control. Continue reading Trump Deploys the Bulldozer: Tom Homan Sent to Babysit Walz and Frey After Minneapolis Turns Into a Clown Car

A Completely Normal, Totally Real, Definitely Not Made-Up Day in the Life of Senator Chris Van Hollen

Senator Chris Van Hollen’s day begins with a frenetic wake-up, setting the tone for his busy schedule filled with committee meetings, impassioned speeches, and social media interactions. Throughout the day, he navigates the tumultuous political landscape, fueled by strong emotions and a commitment to defending democracy, while pondering his effectiveness in the process. Continue reading A Completely Normal, Totally Real, Definitely Not Made-Up Day in the Life of Senator Chris Van Hollen

Margaritas With MS-13: Annapolis Democrats Discover a Bold New Voter Outreach Strategy

Maryland Democrats have allegedly adopted a controversial strategy combining compassion for violent gangs with socializing over drinks. Critics question their priorities, emphasizing that this approach appears to protect criminals over citizens. The proposal has raised concerns about public safety, prompting voters to reconsider their leaders’ commitments amidst rising crime rates. Continue reading Margaritas With MS-13: Annapolis Democrats Discover a Bold New Voter Outreach Strategy