Democrats recently launched the People’s State of the Onion, an alternative to the State of the Union that emphasizes emotional expressions over factual reporting. Sponsored by various activist groups, it aims to critique the current presidential administration while hosting by influential figures. This approach raises questions about political norms and the acceptance of election results. Continue reading The People’s State of the Onion
The intertwining of sports and politics has grown pronounced, with lawmakers increasingly referencing sports culture during discussions on budget and fiscal discipline. Instead of productive debates, sessions resemble chaotic sporting events, with bipartisan jabs and metaphorical excess. Ultimately, budgets are passed amid a backdrop of disillusionment, leaving the national debt unaddressed. Continue reading No Escaping the Scoreboard: How American Sports Hijacked Budget Season
President Trump is launching TrumpTix, a ticketing platform aimed at reducing high service fees and improving transparency in ticket pricing. The initiative promises features like “Freedom Fee” and fair distribution of tickets. While it targets concerts, sports, and political events, industry reactions range from shock to cautious optimism about affordability. Continue reading TrumpTix: President Trump Announces Ticketing Platform to “Make Concerts Great Again”
A Virginia Beach inmate, serving time for abduction and rape, has launched an unconventional congressional campaign from prison, emphasizing his “real-world experience” with the justice system. His agenda includes criminal justice reform, transparency, and a grassroots outreach strategy. The campaign raises questions about ethics and eligibility in politics. Continue reading From Cell Block to Capitol Hill: Inmate Announces Congressional Run, Promises to “Shake Up Washington”
Minnesota Governor Tim Walz appears to be challenging the entire country to a fight—political, rhetorical, and possibly imaginary—as he squares off against everyone from national figures to the latest talking-point mascot, all while critics say the fury looks less like courage and more like a very loud distraction. Continue reading Walz of Fury: Minnesota Governor Appears to Challenge Entire Planet to a Fight
The New York Post is launching The Greenland Post, a tabloid focused on Greenland following renewed interest from President Trump. It aims to deliver straightforward Arctic coverage with eye-catching headlines. The paper reflects a humorous take on governance, promising content tailored to its audience without hiring local journalists, relying instead on remote reporting. Continue reading NEW YORK POST EXPANDS EMPIRE, LAUNCHES “GREENLAND POST” AHEAD OF HISTORIC 51ST STATEHOOD
Sen. Chris Van Hollen is demanding answers regarding the treatment of illegal immigrants in federal custody, expressing concern over their lack of luxury amenities. Critics argue his focus on migrants neglects pressing issues for American citizens. A proposed “Margaritas for Migrants” bill aims to address this perceived humanitarian crisis humorously. Continue reading Sen. Van Hollen Horrified to Learn Illegal Immigrants May Not Be Receiving Luxury Resort Experience in Baltimore
In a remarkable display of national restraint, hundreds of millions of Americans survived the week unharmed by doing something radical: not pointing guns at federal agents, not ramming them with cars, and not turning routine enforcement encounters into Darwin Awards. Continue reading 100+ Million Americans Safely Avoided Being Shot by Federal Agents This Week by Doing Something Extraordinary: Not Ramming Them With Their Cars or Waving a Gun Around
Maryland Governor Wes Moore announced the creation of the Political Party Animals Sphere at National Harbor, envisioned as a nonpartisan space for political discourse. Featuring interactive exhibits and partisan-themed events, it aims to engage citizens while fostering debate. Construction awaits funding decisions, with a target opening before the next election. Continue reading BREAKING: Wes Moore Announces ‘Political Party Animals Sphere’ at National Harbor — Promises Bipartisan Chaos, Rotating Donors, and Sponsored Outrage
The Democratic Party faces perplexingly low approval ratings, adopting a strategy of opposing everything associated with Donald Trump while eschewing independent policy development. Analysts note that this anti-policy approach is viewed as spiteful, leading to confusion among voters and skepticism about whether such a stance will garner support in future elections. Continue reading Democrats Accidentally Invent New Political Platform: “Whatever Trump Likes, We Hate”
Political Party Animals 