crime, Cultural Meltdowns, democrats, Politics

BREAKING: Nation Paralyzed by Rampaging Elderly Gay Carjacker Cartel

A humorous critique highlights the absurdity of associating elderly individuals with crime, particularly regarding the term “Democrats.” It juxtaposes fantasies of senior criminal masterminds with the complexities of real-world crime policy, arguing that oversimplified narratives detract from meaningful discussions, reducing political debate to cartoonish stereotypes rather than data-driven solutions. Continue reading BREAKING: Nation Paralyzed by Rampaging Elderly Gay Carjacker Cartel

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, Culture & Absurdity, Sports & Whatever

Stephen A. Smith Announces 2028 Presidential Run, Vows to “Fix This Nation the Same Way I Fixed the Knicks”

Stephen A. Smith is considering a 2028 presidential run, showcasing his trademark debate style. He criticizes both major parties, suggesting bold, unorthodox policies, like replacing the State of the Union with a monologue and demanding accountability from Congress. His outsider status and intense delivery could revolutionize political debates, captivating audiences nationwide. Continue reading Stephen A. Smith Announces 2028 Presidential Run, Vows to “Fix This Nation the Same Way I Fixed the Knicks”

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
Elections, Politics, voter outreach, Washington absurdity

Swalwell, Schiff Demand Exemption From SAVE Act After Realizing It May Require Them to Show Up to Vote

Eric Swalwell and Adam Schiff have requested a legislative exemption from the SAVE Act, fearing it may set a precedent requiring proof of Congress members’ presence to validate votes. They advocate for flexible participation methods while expressing concerns about increased voter verification impacting democratic access. Their proposed act seeks to redefine attendance. Continue reading Swalwell, Schiff Demand Exemption From SAVE Act After Realizing It May Require Them to Show Up to Vote

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
Sports & Whatever

NCAA Announces “Feelings-First Playoffs” — Every Team Gets A Trophy Just for Trying

The NCAA has introduced the Feelings-First Playoff System (FFPS), uniting all NCAA Division I FBS teams in an inclusive playoff format. This new approach prioritizes emotional well-being over competitive fairness, featuring whimsical matchups and participation awards. Critics argue it dilutes competition, while supporters celebrate enhanced fan engagement and storytelling. Continue reading NCAA Announces “Feelings-First Playoffs” — Every Team Gets A Trophy Just for Trying

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, Maryland, Politics, State & Local

Orange-Robed Efficiency: Peace Walk Monks Arrive in Annapolis, Fix Maryland in 5 Minutes

A group of monks on a peace walk inadvertently addressed Maryland’s affordability crisis in just five minutes at the State House, implementing substantial budget cuts and tax reductions with their simple, mindful approach. Their surprising efficiency contrasts sharply with years of bureaucratic efforts, leaving families to wonder why such solutions aren’t commonplace. Continue reading Orange-Robed Efficiency: Peace Walk Monks Arrive in Annapolis, Fix Maryland in 5 Minutes

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, Celebrity, Maryland, Politics, Satire, State & Local

EXCLUSIVE: Trone’s ICE Protest Attendance Upgraded to Phase II Invisibility — Now Featuring 5G Hologram Cena Units

David Trone’s campaign responds to criticism about staff absence at an ICE protest, claiming they operated in “Cena Mode” using John Cena-inspired clones for invisibility. This satire suggests innovative tactics like “Quantum Protest Presence” and highlights mixed public reactions, with supporters praising efficiency while skeptics question legitimacy. Continue reading EXCLUSIVE: Trone’s ICE Protest Attendance Upgraded to Phase II Invisibility — Now Featuring 5G Hologram Cena Units

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, democrats, Democrazy, Politics, State vs. Federal Politics

After Trump Diss, Democratic Governors Flee to Jackson Hole for “Alternative Dinner” With Supreme Commanders Soros and Clooney

After being excluded from a White House dinner, Democratic governors will host their own event in Jackson Hole featuring notable figures like George Soros and George Clooney. Their gathering promises a more inclusive atmosphere with a locally sourced menu and discussions focused on socialism. Organizers insist this is not a protest. Continue reading After Trump Diss, Democratic Governors Flee to Jackson Hole for “Alternative Dinner” With Supreme Commanders Soros and Clooney

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, Cultural Meltdowns, Culture & Absurdity, Politics

Bernie Sanders Declares War on the Thin Mint Industrial Complex

During a grocery store visit, Bernie Sanders passionately criticized the Girl Scouts for their cookie sales, claiming they represent a monopolistic system. He proposed reforms like a price cap and a Senate investigation. Despite his fervor, the scouts remained unfazed, ultimately benefiting from record sales, as Sanders left with cookies for the “movement.” Continue reading Bernie Sanders Declares War on the Thin Mint Industrial Complex

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, Democrazy, Politics, Satire, Sports & Whatever

No Escaping the Scoreboard: How American Sports Hijacked Budget Season

The intertwining of sports and politics has grown pronounced, with lawmakers increasingly referencing sports culture during discussions on budget and fiscal discipline. Instead of productive debates, sessions resemble chaotic sporting events, with bipartisan jabs and metaphorical excess. Ultimately, budgets are passed amid a backdrop of disillusionment, leaving the national debt unaddressed. Continue reading No Escaping the Scoreboard: How American Sports Hijacked Budget Season

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
Arts & Entertainment, Bach's Boombox, Celebrity, Culture & Absurdity, Sports & Whatever

Creed Announces They Will Be the 2027 Super Bowl Halftime Show, NFL Learns About It on Social Media

Creed boldly announced they will perform at the 2027 Super Bowl halftime show, despite the NFL not selecting a performer. The announcement sparked widespread joy in rural America, with fans expressing emotional support. The NFL is still processing the surprise declaration, sensing its inevitability, as Creed outlines an already planned setlist. Continue reading Creed Announces They Will Be the 2027 Super Bowl Halftime Show, NFL Learns About It on Social Media

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment