BREAKING: New Study Finds 12 Million “Closet Trump Democrats” Living Double Lives, Hiding MAGA Hats in Recyclable Tote Bags
A recent poll reveals that many registered Democrats secretly support Donald Trump but fear social repercussions from friends and community. This “Closet MAGAcrat” phenomenon highlights a culture of political concealment linked to social survival, exacerbated by pressures from peers and the psychological influence of figures like Hillary Clinton.
A Controlled Study on Conceptual Recall Deficits in Progressive Political Subjects
A study published in the Journal of Scientific Hypotheses In Theoretical Environments examined self-identified American liberals’ ability to define fundamental concepts. Findings indicated a significant inability to accurately define terms like “woman” and “fascism,” locate Minnesota, or recall the U.S. Constitution’s opening words, suggesting a phenomenon termed Selective Ideological Amnesia.
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A Peer-Reviewed Panic: A Satirical Study on Acute Political Outrage Syndrome (APOS)
This satirical study explores the fictional Acute Political Outrage Syndrome (APOS), reflecting the internet’s obsession with outrage during political controversies. It argues that modern democracies suffer from an incentivized cycle of performative fury fueled by social media, recommending absurd solutions to counteract these damaging trends.
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A Peer-Reviewed* Investigation Into Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS), Macronutrient Intake, and the Bubble Tea Variable
A groundbreaking* study published in the Journal of Scientific Hypotheses In Theoretical Environments (S.H.I.T.E.) finds a strong correlation between extreme Trump Derangement Syndrome and diets low in meat protein but high in soy products and bubble tea—raising serious questions about tofu, tapioca pearls, and the biochemical limits of political calm. *Groundbreaking in the sense that…
The Overnight Affluence Phenomenon (OAP): A Longitudinal, Vibes-Adjusted Study of Sudden Wealth Accretion in Newly Elected Political Officials
This paper humorously investigates the phenomenon of sudden wealth accumulation among elected officials post-election, proposing terms like Electo-Gravitational Capitalization. Through ironic methodologies and case studies, it uncovers unusually high wealth growth rates, suggesting political office creates unique financial advantages. Conclusions emphasize the correlation of politics and wealth, urging further inquiry.
Political Party Animals 