Portland erupted in outrage after Border Patrol agents declined to be run over by suspected gang members outside a federal ICE facility, prompting activists and media alike to question whether self-defense is still acceptable when it interferes with the narrative. Continue reading Liberals Furious After Border Patrol Fails to Politely Be Run Over by Gang Members
John Fetterman humorously expressed his aspiration to become the Senator for Greenland, contingent on the U.S. purchasing the territory. His proposed campaign would focus on Arctic priorities like universal access to Carhartt and ice infrastructure. The remark sparked debate among lawmakers and critics, questioning the feasibility of such representation. Continue reading Fetterman Sets Sights North: Says He Hopes to Be “Senator of Greenland Someday”
In a satirical press conference, Tim Walz and Jacob Frey introduced a controversial “transparency initiative” involving hired protesters to distract from political issues. With various teams promoting chaotic demonstrations and a cover-up described as a “healing exercise,” analysts deemed it a strategy of “chaotic neutral governance,” deflecting accountability amidst rising public outrage. Continue reading BREAKING: Minneapolis Announces New Civic Program — “Riot & Hide”
The Minnesota Vikings have officially canceled the remainder of their season due to statewide unrest and fraud investigations, despite already being eliminated from playoff contention. Team leadership highlighted the decision as a symbolic gesture for solidarity, prompting mixed reactions from players and fans, who found the move fitting and proactive. Continue reading Vikings Cancel Rest of Season Amid Statewide Chaos, Despite Season Already Being Over
The U.S. has humorously engaged with Greenland’s potential value, despite Denmark’s firm reminder that it is neither for sale nor subject to U.S. acquisition. Officials insist it’s just an exploration of options, while NATO clarifies that such actions don’t fit existing defense protocols. The situation remains unresolved, with Greenland firmly rejecting any annexation notions. Continue reading Greenland Isn’t for Sale (But We Put It in the Cart Anyway)
Tim Walz has withdrawn from the 2026 Minnesota governor’s race, announcing an unusual strategy to “ride” Donald Trump with relentless commentary. This metaphor sparked humor and speculation, comparing their dynamic to cinematic rivalries. As Walz exits politics, he leaves behind an unforgettable quote and a bizarre narrative reminiscent of film plots. Continue reading Walz Heads for the Hills: Minnesota Governor Quits Politics, Discovers His Inner Brokeback Commentator
Housing activists claim homeownership has become a tool of white supremacy, perpetuating generational wealth and inequality. They argue that owning a home, rather than being a part of the American Dream, results in systemic oppression. In response, city officials propose measures to address these issues, sparking both support and criticism. Continue reading Experts Warn Homeownership Is Latest Weapon of White Supremacy, Advise Whites To Immediately Become Renters
New York’s new mayor has taken on his boldest challenge yet: fixing World Cup ticket prices for games not even played in New York. In a week where socialism met dynamic pricing, City Hall discovered that FIFA, geography, and reality may not be subject to municipal authority. Continue reading NYC Mayor Launches “World Cup for All” Initiative — Now Hiring Ticket Fairness Officers
April McClain Delaney passionately calls for President Trump’s immediate impeachment over Venezuela’s crisis, bypassing traditional checks and balances. As Congress remains inactive, Delaney emphasizes urgency without moving toward a formal process. The performance critiques the repetitive nature of impeachment and highlights a disconnect between political theatrics and genuine governance. Continue reading Impeachment as Performance Art:
The post reflects on the impact of Nancy Pelosi’s actions during the Capitol insurrection, emphasizing the symbolic harm done to elements like podiums and stanchions. It conveys a sense of trauma while highlighting the resilience of democracy, concluding with a call to remember these events. Continue reading Nancy Pelosi’s Insurrection of the Capitol
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