Virginia Democrats Repeal EO 47 to Boost Football Recruiting, Accidentally Announce Crime as a Feature

Virginia’s new Democratic leadership swiftly repealed Executive Order 47 to prioritize football recruiting, disregarding concerns about public safety and law enforcement. Critics warn that this decision could lead to increased crime, as cooperation with federal authorities is halted. Officials claim trade-offs in policy are necessary, emphasizing the importance of sports over safety. Continue reading Virginia Democrats Repeal EO 47 to Boost Football Recruiting, Accidentally Announce Crime as a Feature

Math Is Hard: A Love Story Between Maryland’s Governor and a Calculator

Governor Wes Moore has claimed Maryland faces a significant structural deficit, despite inheriting a multi-billion-dollar surplus. Critics argue his portrayal of finances lacks credibility, pointing out that basic arithmetic contradicts his statements. Ultimately, the issue lies not in math but in how the governor communicates financial realities to the public. Continue reading Math Is Hard: A Love Story Between Maryland’s Governor and a Calculator

Too Weird to Check: The Many Mysterious Forms of Kyrsten Sinema

Kyrsten Sinema, once a Democrat, now identifies as an Independent, drawing criticism for her unpredictable political stance and unique fashion choices. Her reluctance to align with any caucus while maintaining fundraising ties has led to confusion among constituents. Sinema embodies political ambiguity in a partisan environment, leaving voters questioning her true intentions. Continue reading Too Weird to Check: The Many Mysterious Forms of Kyrsten Sinema

Ken Burns Announces New 14-Hour Documentary: “Actually, It Was the Media the Whole Time”

Ken Burns has announced a new 14-hour documentary series titled “Bias: A Very Long Story, Told Slowly,” exploring left-wing bias and ideological influence in mainstream media. The series, featuring elements like sepia-toned tweets and soft music, examines journalism’s evolution and public trust erosion through various themed episodes, prompting mixed initial reactions. Continue reading Ken Burns Announces New 14-Hour Documentary: “Actually, It Was the Media the Whole Time”

Maryland Democrats Announce ‘Affordability Focus’—Residents Check Locks, Hide Wallets

The Annapolis Democratic establishment’s announcement to prioritize affordability has drawn skepticism from residents, who see it as ironic given their history of policies that increased living costs. Critics liken it to a burglar offering home security tips. Marylanders urge real accountability rather than more studies and temporary relief. Continue reading Maryland Democrats Announce ‘Affordability Focus’—Residents Check Locks, Hide Wallets

Trump-Washington, D.C.: President Discovers the Fastest Way to Drain the Swamp Is Just to Name It After Himself

President Trump announced a name change for Washington, D.C. to Trump–Washington, citing a rapid evacuation by liberals after a building rebrand. Moving trucks flooded outbound roads as residents hurriedly relocated. The administration is considering further renaming efforts, delighting Trump, while urban planners and environmentalists remain astonished by the situation. Continue reading Trump-Washington, D.C.: President Discovers the Fastest Way to Drain the Swamp Is Just to Name It After Himself

Democrats Propose Banning the Dictionary After Supreme Court Confirms Words Are a Hate Crime

Democratic leaders are contemplating emergency legislation to eliminate dictionaries, deeming traditional definitions as oppressive and outdated. The proposal follows a Supreme Court discussion on women’s sports and transgender participation. Critics argue this undermines female athletes, as language reform prioritizes inclusivity over clarity, resulting in vague and fluid definitions. Continue reading Democrats Propose Banning the Dictionary After Supreme Court Confirms Words Are a Hate Crime

Trump Throws Down the Gauntlet: Threatens to Remove Iran’s Supreme Leader From His MySpace Top 8

Donald Trump announced his readiness to remove Iran’s Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Khamenei, from his MySpace Top 8 in response to protests in Iran. This unconventional approach aims to exert pressure on Khamenei amid escalating tensions. Analysts debate whether Trump’s tactic will impact diplomacy or worsen relations, as protests in Iran continue. Continue reading Trump Throws Down the Gauntlet: Threatens to Remove Iran’s Supreme Leader From His MySpace Top 8

Peloton Is Out. Pursuit Is In: White Liberal Women Discover Cardio Through Federal Agent Chasing

Rage Cardio™, a new fitness trend of 2026, replaces traditional workouts with intense sprints after federal agents while participants yell frustrations about authority and societal expectations. Advocates claim it aids emotional release and mental health, attracting corporate interest with new products. Critics see it as misguided but it embodies modern political expression through exercise. Continue reading Peloton Is Out. Pursuit Is In: White Liberal Women Discover Cardio Through Federal Agent Chasing

The Boy Who Opened Minneapolis (But Like… the Other One)

In a Minneapolis cul-de-sac, a boy named Nick Shirley discovers his psychokinetic abilities during a standardized test and is taken to a lab for experimentation. There, he accidentally opens a portal to an alternate dimension, Upside Down Minneapolis, where urban legends flourish. After witnessing thriving businesses that defy reality, he ultimately closes the portal, returning to a seemingly normal life. Continue reading The Boy Who Opened Minneapolis (But Like… the Other One)