Under new Pentagon rules, U.S. forces confronting drug boats must now politely ask the captain for permission before taking action—because nothing says national security like waiting for consent from a cocaine speedboat. Continue reading Pentagon Announces New “Ask Nicely First” Rules of Engagement for Drug Boats
Marylanders, united in a rare bipartisan gesture, decided against New Year’s resolutions amid rumors of a proposed tax on personal goals to address the state’s budget deficit. This plan, dubbed “The Self-Improvement Responsibility Act,” would impose fees based on the ambition of resolutions, prompting creative adaptations by residents. Continue reading Marylanders Skip New Year’s Resolutions Amid Rumors Gov. Wes Moore Plans to Tax Them Per Goal
In a last-ditch effort to stop the future, Andrew Cuomo scales One Times Square on New Year’s Eve, clutching the ball and declaring an emergency on midnight itself—because if time doesn’t move forward, neither can New York City politics. Continue reading Cuomo vs. The Calendar: A New Year’s Eve at War with Time
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