Mayor Mamdani Announces Free Snow Weekend for NYC — No Strings, Just Slush

New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced a controversial initiative granting all city residents free snow this weekend with no application or verification process. While touted as a human right, the plan raised concerns over snow removal costs and logistics. Critics, including landlords and small business owners, expressed confusion and skepticism about the overarching implications. Continue reading Mayor Mamdani Announces Free Snow Weekend for NYC — No Strings, Just Slush

Annapolis Declares War on Snow, Immediately Fines the Elderly and Disabled for Losing

Annapolis and Anne Arundel County say their snow removal crackdown is about protecting seniors and the disabled. To prove it, they’re fining those same seniors and disabled residents for failing to shovel snow they didn’t ask for, can’t lift, and definitely can’t afford to ignore. Continue reading Annapolis Declares War on Snow, Immediately Fines the Elderly and Disabled for Losing

Trump Announces ‘Vote Red, Get a Green Card’ Program, Democrats Immediately Call ICE for Tips

In a move that shattered political muscle memory, Donald Trump jokingly offered citizenship to any undocumented immigrant willing to vote Republican—prompting Democrats to immediately reconsider their stance on ICE, borders, and everything they tweeted in the last decade. Continue reading Trump Announces ‘Vote Red, Get a Green Card’ Program, Democrats Immediately Call ICE for Tips

BREAKING: Scientists Confirm Mushroom Makes You See Tiny People, Ireland Nods Politely and Says “We Tried to Tell You”

Researchers have discovered a mushroom that induces vivid hallucinations of tiny humanoid beings, paralleling folklore about “wee folk.” While science cautiously validates old myths, reactions range from indifference in Ireland to commercialization by startups. Experts urge caution before consuming the mushrooms, as they hold potential yet unrealized implications for perception and culture. Continue reading BREAKING: Scientists Confirm Mushroom Makes You See Tiny People, Ireland Nods Politely and Says “We Tried to Tell You”

ICE Arrests Hundreds of Violent Five-Year-Olds Linked to Tren de Aragua, Grandmothers Busted as Getaway Drivers

ICE confirmed hundreds of “extremely dangerous” five-year-olds tied to Tren de Aragua were taken into custody this week, while their grandmothers were allegedly busted running the getaway cars—sending national media scrambling to determine whether juice boxes qualify as mitigating evidence. Continue reading ICE Arrests Hundreds of Violent Five-Year-Olds Linked to Tren de Aragua, Grandmothers Busted as Getaway Drivers

Trump’s Board of Peace: Now Hiring — Except Canada, Sorry Not Sorry

President Trump’s brand-new “Board of Peace” is already delivering chaos, cash demands, and diplomatic side-eye—starting with uninviting Canada. World leaders laugh, doves wear helmets, and peace apparently costs a billion dollars upfront. Continue reading Trump’s Board of Peace: Now Hiring — Except Canada, Sorry Not Sorry

BREAKING: Wes Moore Announces ‘Political Party Animals Sphere’ at National Harbor — Promises Bipartisan Chaos, Rotating Donors, and Sponsored Outrage

Maryland Governor Wes Moore announced the creation of the Political Party Animals Sphere at National Harbor, envisioned as a nonpartisan space for political discourse. Featuring interactive exhibits and partisan-themed events, it aims to engage citizens while fostering debate. Construction awaits funding decisions, with a target opening before the next election. Continue reading BREAKING: Wes Moore Announces ‘Political Party Animals Sphere’ at National Harbor — Promises Bipartisan Chaos, Rotating Donors, and Sponsored Outrage

TSA Introduces Bold New “Surprise Airport” Program to Keep Travelers Humble

The TSA has launched a new initiative at Washington-area airports highlighting the frequent mix-ups where travelers mistakenly arrive at the wrong airport. The situation is exacerbated by the complex infrastructure of Reagan National and Dulles airports, causing ongoing confusion. Officials suggest reforms but stress that TSA’s role is security, not navigation. Continue reading TSA Introduces Bold New “Surprise Airport” Program to Keep Travelers Humble

Exploding Trees Threaten Midwest as Winter Finally Decides to Be Extra

Meteorologists have warned of a new phenomenon called “Exploding Tree Risk” in the Midwest, where trees may burst due to extreme cold causing sap to freeze. Residents are advised to keep their distance from trees. While the threat is serious for the trees, it has become a source of humor and resignation among locals. Continue reading Exploding Trees Threaten Midwest as Winter Finally Decides to Be Extra

Gavin Newsom and George Soros Confirm “No Labels, Just Love” Retreat at Davos—Catch Trump’s Surprise Stand-Up Set

California Governor Gavin Newsom and billionaire George Soros attended a retreat in Davos, described as both a personal getaway and a policy discussion. They engaged in intimate activities and shared humor during a surprise Donald Trump comedy set. The retreat was a mix of romance and political strategizing, leaving both attendees reflecting on its implications. Continue reading Gavin Newsom and George Soros Confirm “No Labels, Just Love” Retreat at Davos—Catch Trump’s Surprise Stand-Up Set