When a life-saving alarm becomes a protest noisemaker, the signal gets lost. In the age of performative outrage, the sound meant to summon help is increasingly dismissed as background noise—leaving real emergencies unheard. Continue reading When Everything Is an Emergency, Nothing Is: The Rape Whistle Industrial Complex
Annapolis and Anne Arundel County say their snow removal crackdown is about protecting seniors and the disabled. To prove it, they’re fining those same seniors and disabled residents for failing to shovel snow they didn’t ask for, can’t lift, and definitely can’t afford to ignore. Continue reading Annapolis Declares War on Snow, Immediately Fines the Elderly and Disabled for Losing
Air Force One was reportedly forced to turn back to Andrews Air Force Base after aides realized President Trump’s McDonald’s order had been left behind. Officials cited “critical onboard morale assets” as the reason, proving once again that no global summit comes before fries. Continue reading Air Force One Forced to Turn Back After Aide Realizes President Trump’s McDonald’s Was Left on the Tarmac
Portland erupted in outrage after Border Patrol agents declined to be run over by suspected gang members outside a federal ICE facility, prompting activists and media alike to question whether self-defense is still acceptable when it interferes with the narrative. Continue reading Liberals Furious After Border Patrol Fails to Politely Be Run Over by Gang Members
New York’s newest mayor promised to govern for the people—and the subway made sure he did. When Mayor Mamdani finds himself waiting on a delayed train he now oversees, the revolution stops being theoretical and starts running local, crowded, and 47 minutes late. Continue reading Mayor Mamdani Rides the Revolution
A high-speed chase, a near tackle, and a politician seconds away from eating asphalt—all undone by four magic words. In this satirical breakdown, a local official discovers that nothing slows the law down faster than identifying yourself. Continue reading POLICE NEARLY TACKLE DRIVER AFTER HIGH-SPEED CHASE UNTIL HE IDENTIFIES HIMSELF AS “COUNCILMAN-ADJACENT”
Baltimore is celebrating its lowest murder rate in 48 years, proving once and for all that crime can be solved either through meaningful reform—or by sheer exhaustion and selective attention. When shootings and stabbings become background noise, even murder can slip quietly out of the headlines. Continue reading Baltimore Solves Crime by Running Out of People Who Can Be Murdered
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