Maryland and Virginia officials insist their newly redrawn congressional maps are perfectly legal—despite evidence they were impulse-bought on DealDash at 3:17 a.m. during a bidding war labeled “BUY IT NOW: DEMOCRACY.” Continue reading DealDash Democracy: Maryland and Virginia Accidentally Buy Their New Congressional Maps at 3:17 a.m.
This week in Richmond, newly sworn-in Governor Abigail Spanberger sparked chaos as hamburgers mysteriously vanished shortly after her inauguration, earning her the nickname “Hamburglar of Hard-Earned Money.” Her controversial “Spanburger Doctrine” implies confiscating edible goods as “nutritional contributions,” leaving residents bewildered and concerned about a future without safe backyard cookouts. Continue reading The Hamburglar Takes Richmond: Abigail Spanberger Sworn In, Hamburgs Immediately Missing
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has revamped SNAP benefits, transforming them into an extreme intermittent-fasting initiative by vastly restricting food options to items deemed unsuitable. Recipients now face scarce choices, prompting underground food markets. While officials claim success, critics argue the policy leads to starvation rather than nutritional improvement, highlighting a satirical take on food insecurity. Continue reading SNAP to It: America’s First Government-Approved Fasting Program Takes Off
The U.S. has humorously engaged with Greenland’s potential value, despite Denmark’s firm reminder that it is neither for sale nor subject to U.S. acquisition. Officials insist it’s just an exploration of options, while NATO clarifies that such actions don’t fit existing defense protocols. The situation remains unresolved, with Greenland firmly rejecting any annexation notions. Continue reading Greenland Isn’t for Sale (But We Put It in the Cart Anyway)
New York’s new mayor has taken on his boldest challenge yet: fixing World Cup ticket prices for games not even played in New York. In a week where socialism met dynamic pricing, City Hall discovered that FIFA, geography, and reality may not be subject to municipal authority. Continue reading NYC Mayor Launches “World Cup for All” Initiative — Now Hiring Ticket Fairness Officers
Senator Chris Van Hollen hosted a margarita summit with Venezuelan leader Nicolás Maduro, currently in federal custody. Van Hollen pitched Maryland as a welcoming place for international figures, proposing Maduro’s “symbolic residency” to allow him to vote. Critics have questioned this approach given Maduro’s legal situation, prompting varied reactions, including from Trump. Continue reading Van Hollen Offers Maduro a Margarita, a Maryland Address, and a Voter Registration Form
The family court system in America is characterized by dysfunction and profit-driven practices that alienate parents from their children, framing the conflict as a “gender war.” Both mothers and fathers face systemic obstacles, leading to a multi-billion-dollar industry that thrives on conflict. Uniting against this system is crucial for reform and healing. Continue reading The Gender Wars Are a Distraction: How the Family Court System Profits from Division While Parents and Children Lose Everything
America’s family courts have shifted from judicial proceedings to administrative enforcement, compromising due process and parental rights over the last thirty years. Critics highlight the system’s financial incentives and lack of transparency. Despite signs of resistance, meaningful reform faces challenges as families continue to suffer under obscure processes lacking true justice safeguards. Continue reading Family Court: The Administrative State That’s Destroying Families
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