Category: National Security

Conspiracies, Donald Trump, Food & Health, Government, National Security, Politics, public safety, Satire, Washington absurdity

Air Force One Forced to Turn Back After Aide Realizes President Trump’s McDonald’s Was Left on the Tarmac

Air Force One was reportedly forced to turn back to Andrews Air Force Base after aides realized President Trump’s McDonald’s order had been left behind. Officials cited “critical onboard morale assets” as the reason, proving once again that no global summit comes before fries. Continue reading Air Force One Forced to Turn Back After Aide Realizes President Trump’s McDonald’s Was Left on the Tarmac

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, Government, immigration, Law Enforcement, National Security, Oregon, Politics, public safety, Satire, State & Local, Urban Absurdity

Liberals Furious After Border Patrol Fails to Politely Be Run Over by Gang Members

Portland erupted in outrage after Border Patrol agents declined to be run over by suspected gang members outside a federal ICE facility, prompting activists and media alike to question whether self-defense is still acceptable when it interferes with the narrative. Continue reading Liberals Furious After Border Patrol Fails to Politely Be Run Over by Gang Members

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, Government, Military & Foreign Policy, National Security, Secondhand Service, Washington absurdity

Pentagon Announces New “Ask Nicely First” Rules of Engagement for Drug Boats

Under new Pentagon rules, U.S. forces confronting drug boats must now politely ask the captain for permission before taking action—because nothing says national security like waiting for consent from a cocaine speedboat. Continue reading Pentagon Announces New “Ask Nicely First” Rules of Engagement for Drug Boats

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
Military & Foreign Policy, National Security, Satire

Gulf of America Faces Underwater Opioid Crisis After Military Anti-Drug Operations, Experts Say

Federal officials report a troubling rise in substance dependency behaviors among marine life in the Gulf of America, termed Collateral Aquatic Intoxication. This follows U.S. military efforts to intercept drug boats, inadvertently feeding narcotics to ocean animals. Dolphins, sea turtles, and whales exhibit concerning behaviors, prompting calls for rehabilitation and policymaking changes. Continue reading Gulf of America Faces Underwater Opioid Crisis After Military Anti-Drug Operations, Experts Say

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment