Category: Military & Foreign Policy

Government, Military & Foreign Policy, Minnesota, Secondhand Service, Washington absurdity

Trump Deploys Aircraft Carrier to Lake Superior, America Immediately Googles “Can This Even Fit?”

President Trump announced the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower’s deployment to Lake Superior to quell unrest, despite concerns over its fit in the Great Lakes. Local officials criticized the move as reckless, while it excited some residents and tourism boards. The operation serves as a dramatic show of U.S. naval power amidst rising tensions. Continue reading Trump Deploys Aircraft Carrier to Lake Superior, America Immediately Googles “Can This Even Fit?”

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
Donald Trump, Global News, Government, Greenland, International, Military & Foreign Policy, NATO & Global Absurdity, Politics, Satire, Washington absurdity

Trump Launches Kickstarter to Buy Greenland, Assures Donors It’s “Basically a Condo With Ice”

Donald Trump has initiated a Kickstarter campaign to buy Greenland after his previous attempts failed. With a funding goal of $1 trillion, backer tiers offer humorous rewards. Despite experts noting Greenland’s sovereignty, the campaign surprisingly attracted millions in donations, reflecting the absurdity of modern politics and Trump’s unconventional approach. Continue reading Trump Launches Kickstarter to Buy Greenland, Assures Donors It’s “Basically a Condo With Ice”

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, Global News, Government, Military & Foreign Policy, russia, Satire, Secondhand Service, world leaders

Putin Deploys Hologram Army After Running Out of Actual Russians

Facing a shortage of actual Russians willing or able to fight, Vladimir Putin has reportedly deployed a cutting-edge solution: hologram soldiers. The glowing, casualty-proof army looks great on state TV, never defects, and conveniently disappears when drones fly through it—marking a bold new era of virtual warfare and imaginary victories. Continue reading Putin Deploys Hologram Army After Running Out of Actual Russians

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, Campaigns, Global News, Government, Greenland, Military & Foreign Policy, Politics, State vs. Federal Politics

Fetterman Sets Sights North: Says He Hopes to Be “Senator of Greenland Someday”

John Fetterman humorously expressed his aspiration to become the Senator for Greenland, contingent on the U.S. purchasing the territory. His proposed campaign would focus on Arctic priorities like universal access to Carhartt and ice infrastructure. The remark sparked debate among lawmakers and critics, questioning the feasibility of such representation. Continue reading Fetterman Sets Sights North: Says He Hopes to Be “Senator of Greenland Someday”

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, constitutional rights, Donald Trump, Global News, Government, Habeas Circus, Judicial, Law & Order, Military & Foreign Policy, Politics, Satire, world leaders

Maryland Judge Orders Trump to Release Maduro, Citing ‘Immediate Habeas Corpus for Dictators’

A Maryland federal judge wasted no time asserting global jurisdiction, ordering President Trump to immediately release Nicolás Maduro—just hours after his dramatic military capture in Caracas. Legal experts say it may be the fastest habeas corpus ruling ever issued for a sitting dictator. Continue reading Maryland Judge Orders Trump to Release Maduro, Citing ‘Immediate Habeas Corpus for Dictators’

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, Government, Military & Foreign Policy, National Security, Secondhand Service, Washington absurdity

Pentagon Announces New “Ask Nicely First” Rules of Engagement for Drug Boats

Under new Pentagon rules, U.S. forces confronting drug boats must now politely ask the captain for permission before taking action—because nothing says national security like waiting for consent from a cocaine speedboat. Continue reading Pentagon Announces New “Ask Nicely First” Rules of Engagement for Drug Boats

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
Military & Foreign Policy, National Security, Satire

Gulf of America Faces Underwater Opioid Crisis After Military Anti-Drug Operations, Experts Say

Federal officials report a troubling rise in substance dependency behaviors among marine life in the Gulf of America, termed Collateral Aquatic Intoxication. This follows U.S. military efforts to intercept drug boats, inadvertently feeding narcotics to ocean animals. Dolphins, sea turtles, and whales exhibit concerning behaviors, prompting calls for rehabilitation and policymaking changes. Continue reading Gulf of America Faces Underwater Opioid Crisis After Military Anti-Drug Operations, Experts Say

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment