Pyongyang’s state media has already declared victory at Milan-Cortina 2026—projecting 137 gold medals, zero bronze, and a mountain that politely lowers itself out of respect. Reality, officials say, remains under review. Continue reading Democratic People’s Republic of Korea Forecasts Glorious 137-Medal Victory at 2026 Winter Olympics Milan Cortina
The New York Post is launching The Greenland Post, a tabloid focused on Greenland following renewed interest from President Trump. It aims to deliver straightforward Arctic coverage with eye-catching headlines. The paper reflects a humorous take on governance, promising content tailored to its audience without hiring local journalists, relying instead on remote reporting. Continue reading NEW YORK POST EXPANDS EMPIRE, LAUNCHES “GREENLAND POST” AHEAD OF HISTORIC 51ST STATEHOOD
President Trump’s brand-new “Board of Peace” is already delivering chaos, cash demands, and diplomatic side-eye—starting with uninviting Canada. World leaders laugh, doves wear helmets, and peace apparently costs a billion dollars upfront. Continue reading Trump’s Board of Peace: Now Hiring — Except Canada, Sorry Not Sorry
California Governor Gavin Newsom and billionaire George Soros attended a retreat in Davos, described as both a personal getaway and a policy discussion. They engaged in intimate activities and shared humor during a surprise Donald Trump comedy set. The retreat was a mix of romance and political strategizing, leaving both attendees reflecting on its implications. Continue reading Gavin Newsom and George Soros Confirm “No Labels, Just Love” Retreat at Davos—Catch Trump’s Surprise Stand-Up Set
Donald Trump has initiated a Kickstarter campaign to buy Greenland after his previous attempts failed. With a funding goal of $1 trillion, backer tiers offer humorous rewards. Despite experts noting Greenland’s sovereignty, the campaign surprisingly attracted millions in donations, reflecting the absurdity of modern politics and Trump’s unconventional approach. Continue reading Trump Launches Kickstarter to Buy Greenland, Assures Donors It’s “Basically a Condo With Ice”
Donald Trump announced his readiness to remove Iran’s Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Khamenei, from his MySpace Top 8 in response to protests in Iran. This unconventional approach aims to exert pressure on Khamenei amid escalating tensions. Analysts debate whether Trump’s tactic will impact diplomacy or worsen relations, as protests in Iran continue. Continue reading Trump Throws Down the Gauntlet: Threatens to Remove Iran’s Supreme Leader From His MySpace Top 8
Tired of being mocked by Donald Trump and treated like America’s polite sidekick, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney reportedly dropped to his knees and began crawling toward Beijing to rebuild trade relations—proving once again that in global politics, dignity is often the first export to disappear. Continue reading Maple Leaf Drag: Mark Carney Crawls to China After Trump Won’t Stop Picking on Canada
Facing a shortage of actual Russians willing or able to fight, Vladimir Putin has reportedly deployed a cutting-edge solution: hologram soldiers. The glowing, casualty-proof army looks great on state TV, never defects, and conveniently disappears when drones fly through it—marking a bold new era of virtual warfare and imaginary victories. Continue reading Putin Deploys Hologram Army After Running Out of Actual Russians
John Fetterman humorously expressed his aspiration to become the Senator for Greenland, contingent on the U.S. purchasing the territory. His proposed campaign would focus on Arctic priorities like universal access to Carhartt and ice infrastructure. The remark sparked debate among lawmakers and critics, questioning the feasibility of such representation. Continue reading Fetterman Sets Sights North: Says He Hopes to Be “Senator of Greenland Someday”
The U.S. has humorously engaged with Greenland’s potential value, despite Denmark’s firm reminder that it is neither for sale nor subject to U.S. acquisition. Officials insist it’s just an exploration of options, while NATO clarifies that such actions don’t fit existing defense protocols. The situation remains unresolved, with Greenland firmly rejecting any annexation notions. Continue reading Greenland Isn’t for Sale (But We Put It in the Cart Anyway)
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