Washington, D.C. – February 21, 2026 – In a move that’s equal parts hilarious and horrifying, a gaggle of disgruntled Democrats have announced they’re boycotting President Donald J. Trump’s 2026 State of the Union address. Why? To throw their own exclusive pity party called “State of the Swamp: The Rebuttal to the State of the Union.” That’s right, folks – while Trump is busy making America great again (for the third time, because why not?), these blue-tie bandits are gathering at the National Press Club to sip Chardonnay and plot how to keep their “illegal immigrant slaves” from being deported back to freedom. Because nothing says “democracy” like undermining the elected government with a side of caviar.
Picture this: Trump’s up on Capitol Hill, surrounded by adoring fans, delivering a speech so epic it’ll make the walls of Congress echo with “USA! USA!” chants. Meanwhile, across town, a who’s-who of has-beens and never-weres are huddled in a dimly lit room, wearing their best “I Hate America” hoodies (metaphorically speaking, of course – we wouldn’t want to offend their KKK-esque vibe by being too on-the-nose). The event flyer, leaked faster than a Biden family secret, lists a rogue’s gallery of speakers that reads like a rejected script from The West Wing’s dumpster fire episode.
Leading the charge is none other than Robert De Niro, who’s apparently traded his Oscar for a pitchfork, ranting about how Trump’s wall is cramping his style. Then there’s Ron Wyden, the Senator who’s so out of touch he thinks “border security” is a new Netflix series. Stacey Abrams is there too, probably to explain how losing elections is actually winning if you squint hard enough. And let’s not forget Mayor Jacob Frey – because nothing screams “national leadership” like the guy who let Minneapolis turn into a Mad Max set during the 2020 riots.
The lineup continues with gems like Don Lemon (fired from CNN but still bitter), Jim Acosta (CNN’s resident tantrum-thrower), and Mark Ruffalo (Hulk-smashing logic since forever). We’ve got George Conway, the ex-husband who’s made a career out of hating his ex-wife’s boss, and Tom Arnold – wait, is he still relevant? Apparently, in the swamp, yes. Rounding out the treasonous troupe are names like Joyce Vance, Mehdi Hasan, and a bunch of others whose main qualification seems to be “appeared on MSNBC once and cried about Trump.”
This “rebuttal” isn’t just a boycott; it’s a full-blown anarchist jamboree. Sources (okay, my imagination, but it’s spot-on) say the agenda includes workshops on “How to Overthrow a Government Without Spilling Your Latte” and “Deportation Dodging 101: Keeping Your Undocumented Workforce Happy and Hidden.” They’re allegedly scheming to flood the borders with more “votes” (wink wink) to rig the next election, all while chanting “No Trump, No Peace” like it’s 1861 all over again. It’s like the KKK decided to rebrand with rainbow flags and virtue signals – same hate, new packaging.
Trump, ever the crowd-size connoisseur, must be loving this. As Miles Taylor (remember him? The anonymous op-ed guy who turned out to be a nobody) tweeted: “With many Democrats boycotting Trump’s speech on Capitol Hill, there’s likely to be MORE people at our rebuttal event than on the House Floor at his speech. Trump’s hates it when your crowd is bigger than his.” Oh, Miles, sweetie – Trump’s crowds are yuge, and yours? It’s like comparing a Super Bowl to a middle-school chess club meeting. But hey, if delusions were dollars, these swamp creatures would be billionaires.
In the end, this “State of the Swamp” is just the latest episode in the Democrats’ endless saga of sore loserdom. While Trump deports the bad hombres and rebuilds the economy, these clowns are busy circle-jerking their way to irrelevance. America, grab your popcorn – the real show is on Capitol Hill. The swamp? It’s draining itself, one boycott at a time.
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