WASHINGTON—After learning they were not invited to a White House governors’ dinner hosted by Donald Trump, a coalition of Democratic governors announced Monday that they would instead hold their own dinner—at a “more spiritually aligned venue”—in Jackson Hole, alongside what organizers described as the “Supreme Commanders of the Democratic Socialist Auxiliary”: George Soros and George Clooney.
The announcement came just hours after invitations went out for the White House dinner—an event reportedly featuring traditional American fare, normal chairs, and no PowerPoint presentations about equity metrics. Democratic governors, learning of their omission via social media and a leaked seating chart labeled “People Who Clap,” swiftly pivoted.
“Our dinner will be more inclusive,” said one governor while standing in front of a borrowed Patagonia backdrop. “Everyone is welcome, provided they agree that capitalism is bad, but also somehow responsible for the wine.”
According to a press release titled “Not Invited, Still Important,” the Jackson Hole gathering will feature a locally sourced menu of grass-fed grievances, free-range talking points, and artisanal resentment. Attendees will be seated around a circular table to symbolize unity, equality, and the fact that no one could agree who should sit at the head.
George Soros, introduced as “Supreme Commander of Funding,” is expected to deliver the keynote address, tentatively titled ‘Markets Are Fake Except When They Work For Us.’ Sources say his remarks will be followed by a ceremonial distribution of Soros Bucks, redeemable for campaign ads, think-tank op-eds, and one emergency New York Times quote per quarter.
Meanwhile, George Clooney, billed as “Supreme Commander of Moral Authority,” will host a fireside chat called ‘I’m Not Running, But Let Me Explain How This Should Be Done.’ Clooney is also rumored to be in charge of optics, ensuring the event photographs look “effortlessly populist” despite the average plate costing more than a Wyoming mortgage payment.
Trump, for his part, appeared unfazed by the parallel event. “They can have dinner wherever they want,” he said. “We’re having steak. Real steak. Not feelings.”
Organizers stressed that the Jackson Hole dinner is not a protest, not a snub, and definitely not an admission that they wanted an invitation. “This was always the plan,” said another governor, adjusting a scarf indoors. “We just hadn’t announced it yet. Or booked it. Or thought of it.”
As preparations continue, security officials confirmed that the event will be guarded by a rotating detail of private consultants, former activists, and one guy who “knows drones.” The dress code is listed as “Casual Billionaire Concern,” with optional virtue signaling accessories.
The evening will conclude with a group toast to democracy, followed by a quiet acknowledgment that Wyoming voted overwhelmingly Republican, but “the vibes are neutral here.”
At press time, aides confirmed that next year’s dinner may expand to include other Democratic Supreme Commanders, pending availability—though insiders admit there are only so many Georges to go around.
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