In a move being described as “bold,” “confident,” and “extremely on-brand,” Creed announced Monday that they will be the Super Bowl halftime show in 2027—despite the small technical detail that the National Football League had not yet selected a performer, or even been informed.
The announcement was delivered via a grainy video filmed in what experts identified as either a tour bus or a church parking lot, where the band explained they felt it was important to “be proactive” and “step up as leaders” in order to give the American people what they want.
“We didn’t want the NFL getting distracted by pop stars, lasers, or songs anyone under 30 recognizes,” the band said in a joint statement. “This country needs healing. This country needs unity. This country needs a man singing with his head tilted back like he’s yelling at God through a fog machine.”
According to sources inside the league, NFL executives first learned of the decision when several interns’ phones began vibrating simultaneously, followed by a long silence and one whispered, “Are we… allowed to stop this?”
Rural America Responds Instantly
Within minutes of the announcement, scenes of jubilation broke out across rural America. Fans reportedly ran into the streets—many of them unpaved—crying openly, clutching their Carhartt jackets, and standing with their arms wide open toward the sky in what sociologists are calling “a spontaneous, multi-state re-enactment of the early 2000s.”
In Ohio, one man was seen slowly nodding while staring at a barn.
In Iowa, a woman screamed “THIS IS WHAT FOOTBALL IS ABOUT” before hugging a mailbox.
In parts of Pennsylvania, local authorities confirmed at least three bonfires were started “out of pure emotion.”
“It just feels right,” said a man identified only as Dave, wiping away tears with a NASCAR hat. “For years they’ve ignored us. Then Creed comes along and just… takes the halftime show. That’s leadership.”
The Setlist Has Already Been Decided (By Fate)
Though the NFL has not confirmed anything—nor returned several increasingly desperate emails—Creed has reportedly already locked in a setlist, which insiders say will include:
- “Higher” (played while the stadium camera cuts exclusively to people crying)
- “My Sacrifice” (dedicated to backup quarterbacks everywhere)
- “With Arms Wide Open” (extended to 11 minutes, legally classified as a religious experience)
The performance is expected to feature minimal choreography, maximum wind, and at least one moment where the singer pauses, stares into the distance, and looks like he’s remembering something important from 2002.
NFL Still “Processing”
League officials released a brief statement saying they are “aware of the announcement” and are “reviewing the situation,” which in NFL language roughly translates to we are staring at the wall and rubbing our temples.
Privately, sources say the league is torn between reminding Creed that this is not how halftime shows work and admitting that, somehow, this feels inevitable.
As one executive put it: “They didn’t ask. They didn’t pitch. They just… declared it. And honestly? That might be the most rock thing that’s happened in years.”
At press time, Creed was reportedly planning merchandise, lighting cues, and a closing shot where the camera pulls back over the stadium as 70,000 people collectively whisper, “Welcome to this place.”
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