ANNAPOLIS — In what political commentators are calling the most inventive post-election twist since the butterfly ballot, Maryland Governor Wes Moore this week officially declared that his historic victory in 2022 was not due to votes, campaign strategy, or even running on a platform — but rather the racist conspiracy of Maryland voters who simply couldn’t help themselves.
“Yes,” Moore announced at a hastily called press conference outside the State House. “It was racist. I didn’t win because of my policies. I didn’t win because of grassroots support. I didn’t even win because of my gripping biographical narrative and enviable social media selfies. I won because the racists of Maryland all banded together to vote for me.”
Political analysts were stunned.
“I mean,” said one baffled GOP strategist who asked not to be named, “people usually accuse their opponents of racism for losing, not winning. This might be a first.”
Critics and supporters alike were left scratching their heads, wondering whether this claim was brilliant satire, clever misdirection, or just tired mid-week political theater.
Moore’s campaign team, ever ready with carefully crafted messaging, circulated flyers featuring the slogan: “If it wasn’t racist, why did they elect me?” Photos of Maryland voters lining up at polling stations were retweeted with captions such as:
- “Racism strikes again.”
- “They just really wanted free parking.”
- “Turns out, systemic racism looks a lot like blue ballot envelopes.”
This isn’t the first time race has entered the political fray in Maryland. In recent months there have been real debates over whether criticism of Moore — from AI-generated memes to anonymous websites — “crosses the line” into racism, with both sides accusing the other of everything from dark-money plots to bad PowerPoint slides that could give anyone a headache.
But Moore’s latest twist, analysts say, sets a new standard:
If you won an election, the voters must be racist.
If you lost an election, the voters must be racist.
If you got a parking ticket, definitely racist.
Political scientists were quick to point out that statistically, winning an election due to a conspiracy of racially motivated voters is about as plausible as saying Maryland crabs got together and lobbied for tax breaks. Yet the governor doubled down, quipping during a later interview: “Look, if history wasn’t racist enough to hand me the keys to the governor’s mansion, I frankly don’t know what is.”
One amused reporter asked whether this new theory meant Moore would refuse his inauguration medal and return it to the Racism Department of Maryland History and Culture. Moore reportedly paused, smiled, and replied: “I’d do it… but I already hung it between my fantasy football trophies.”
Meanwhile, reaction on social media included both applause and bewilderment, with some commenters suggesting Moore’s next plan would be to claim the Chesapeake Bay is “racist for being so blue.” Others jokingly blamed Robinhood for “systemic injustice” because it didn’t offer free trades.
Of course, real political observers pointed out that Maryland voters actually elected Moore because he got more votes than his opponent — a concept that, according to one senior official, is neither racist nor revolutionary, just how democracy works. But where’s the satire in that?
In the end, the governor’s satirical claim may go down in history not as a serious political theory, but as an iconic moment of creative spin. Because in today’s political landscape, when you can’t win an argument with facts… you might as well accuse everything else of being racist.
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