ANNAPOLIS — Maryland is officially in a state of emergency, though not the kind FEMA prepares for. This time, the threat is rhetorical.
After Gov. Wes Moore described the Maryland state flag as a “contradiction” during a podcast appearance, the Old Line State erupted into chaos. Crab cakes were dropped. Old Bay lids were clutched tightly. Someone in Dundalk reportedly whispered, “Over my dead body,” while staring solemnly at a flagpole.
Within hours, social media devolved into a mix of historical dissertations, Revolutionary War cosplay, and open speculation about whether Annapolis had finally gone too far.
A Flag So Powerful, It May Require the National Guard
The Maryland flag — a bold, eye-searing collision of heraldry, geometry, and vibes — has stood proudly for 122 years. It is widely regarded as:
- America’s best state flag
- America’s loudest state flag
- The only flag capable of causing mild vertigo
To suggest it contains a “contradiction” is, to many Marylanders, tantamount to questioning gravity, Old Bay, or the sanctity of Route 50 traffic.
“I don’t even know what a contradiction is,” said one Anne Arundel County resident, “but I know it sounds anti-Maryland.”
What Did He Mean by “Contradiction”?
Historians cautiously explain that the flag combines the Calvert family colors with the Crossland banner, symbolizing unity after the Civil War — literally North and South stitched together.
Marylanders responded:
“So… unity is bad now?”
Others took a darker view.
“If you squint, ‘contradiction’ sounds like ‘replacement,’” warned a Facebook commenter who has not trusted governors since 1864.
Born in New York. Coincidence?
Adding gasoline to the bonfire: the governor was born in New York.
This revelation sent shockwaves through the state.
“First he comes for the flag,” said a man in a faded Orioles jacket, “next thing you know he’s putting ketchup on crab cakes.”
Conspiracy theories flourished:
- Was this a secret Albany op?
- Is the Maryland flag too powerful for outsiders?
- Did New York finally admit its own flag is just a seal on a bedsheet?
The Governor’s Office declined to comment, presumably because they were busy ducking flying flag-themed bumper stickers.
Calls to “Take Up Arms” (Mostly From the Comment Section)
Though no actual militias mobilized, several commenters vowed to “defend the flag at all costs,” which in Maryland typically means:
- Writing long Facebook posts
- Printing novelty T-shirts
- Bringing it up at Thanksgiving
One man threatened to chain himself to Fort McHenry “until common sense returns,” though he later clarified he had a scheduling conflict.
The Flag Remains. The Frenzy Continues.
As of press time, the Maryland flag remains unchanged, unmoved, and unapologetically aggressive in design. It still flies proudly over schools, government buildings, and at least one pair of very loud shorts.
The governor, meanwhile, continues to govern — cautiously — in a state where questioning the flag is apparently more dangerous than questioning taxes, traffic cameras, or the Ravens’ play-calling.
Experts say the controversy will pass soon, likely right after Marylanders return to arguing about whether the flag is beautiful or objectively perfect.
Until then, residents are advised to remain calm, keep Old Bay within reach, and remember:
Some things in Maryland are sacred.
And the flag is one of them.
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