WASHINGTON — Jane Fonda emerged from political mothballs this week to defend Don Lemon and was met with a crowd so small, so historically specific, that military historians briefly mistook it for what’s left of the North Vietnamese Army she befriended in the 1970s.
Witnesses described the turnout as “thin,” “elderly,” and “confused about what year this is,” with several attendees apparently believing they were still protesting the Nixon administration rather than a cable-news personality who livestreamed his own bad decisions.
The Crowd: Aging, Loyal, and Unsure Why
Despite organizers hyping the event as a show of “solidarity,” the actual attendance appeared capped at one park bench’s worth of people, most of whom seemed contractually obligated by history rather than ideology.
Several supporters wore expressions that suggested they showed up because Jane Fonda told them to in 1972 and they never got the follow-up memo to stop.
One man waved a sign that simply read “AMERICA BAD,” a slogan he has reportedly reused successfully for over 50 years without modification.
Hanoi Jane, Still Touring
Fonda delivered her remarks with the confidence of someone addressing tens of thousands, pausing for applause that never came, nodding solemnly as if the silence were intentional.
“This is about justice,” she proclaimed, standing in front of a microphone cluster that outnumbered the crowd.
Nearby, a supporter squinted at a smartphone and asked whether Don Lemon was “the new Walter Cronkite” or “one of those TikTok judges.”
Don Lemon: A Cause Nobody Asked For
The rally centered on defending Don Lemon, a man whose primary contribution to journalism has been filming himself antagonizing people and calling it press freedom.
Fonda framed Lemon as a victim of state repression, a claim that drew visible confusion from attendees who remembered repression involving tanks rather than iPhones.
One supporter asked whether Lemon was being held at a prison camp or just suspended from relevance.
A Movement Fossilized in Amber
Political analysts say the event perfectly captured modern celebrity activism: loud rhetoric, microscopic turnout, and an audience composed entirely of people who haven’t updated their worldview since the Cold War.
“This isn’t a movement,” one observer noted. “It’s a historical reenactment—except nobody told the actors the war ended.”
Final Count
By the end of the rally, the crowd quietly dispersed, leaving behind:
- One empty megaphone
- Several handmade signs with spelling errors
- And the lingering sense that this was less a protest and more a loyalty check from history’s most stubborn fan club
Organizers declared the event a success.
Everyone else declared it proof that when your politics are frozen in the past, eventually only ghosts show up to support them.
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