League says it’s about “meeting fans where they already are: extremely online.”
In a bold new step toward remaining Extremely Tuned Into The Vibes, the National Football League announced this week that teams will soon be able to select a brand-new end zone message for home games:
“F*CK ICE!”
The slogan will join the league’s existing catalog of approved social justice phrases, including “End Racism,” “Stop Hate,” “Choose Love,” and the timeless corporate hymn “It Takes All of Us,” which traditionally appears in the opposite end zone like a motivational poster taped to a cubicle wall.
According to league officials, the update is part of the NFL’s ongoing Inspire Change initiative, which aims to ensure that football fans are never allowed to watch a kickoff without first being gently reminded what the league thinks the correct opinions are.
“We Just Want to Stay Aligned With Our Core Audience”
NFL spokesperson Chad Corporate-Statementman explained the decision during a press briefing held in front of a tasteful PowerPoint slide titled “Demographics That Still Like Us.”
“Immigration is a hot topic,” he said. “And we want to make sure we continue to connect with our liberal fanbase—particularly those who believe football should feel more like a protest sign you accidentally paid $400 to attend.”
League insiders confirmed the phrase tested extremely well with focus groups consisting of:
- Twitter users with anime avatars
- People who haven’t watched a full game since 2016
- Fans who believe the forward pass was invented by capitalism
Teams Will Have Options (But Not Those Options)
As with other end zone messages, teams will be allowed to choose whether they want “FCK ICE!”* or one of the league’s more traditional phrases.
However, sources confirmed several submissions did not make the approved list, including:
- “Secure the Border”
- “Lower Ticket Prices”
- “Protect the Quarterback”
- “Please Fix Officiating”
One team reportedly suggested “End Blackouts,” but the idea was immediately rejected for being “too helpful.”
Super Bowl Viewers Can Expect Maximum Messaging
The league also confirmed that the slogan will be eligible for use during postseason games, including the Super Bowl, ensuring that the most-watched sporting event in America remains a safe space from accidental independent thought.
“Nothing says unity quite like profanity painted in 20-foot letters behind a $250 million halftime show,” said one executive, nodding solemnly.
Fans React Exactly As Expected
Reaction across social media was swift and predictable.
Supporters praised the NFL for its courage, bravery, and continued willingness to alienate half the country while insisting it’s doing the opposite.
Critics, meanwhile, questioned why a sports league that struggles to define a catch is now confidently defining federal policy.
The NFL responded by reminding fans that football is about bringing people together, and if you don’t feel brought together, that’s probably a you problem.
Coming Soon: Even More Engagement
League sources teased that additional end zone messages are currently under review, including:
- “Trust the Experts”
- “This Message Was Sponsored by a Bank”
- “Shut Up and Enjoy the Game (But Correctly)”
Until then, fans can rest easy knowing that when they tune in for football, they’ll still get:
- Commercials
- Flags
- Controversial calls
- And now, profanity-based immigration commentary in the end zone
Because nothing unites America quite like football—especially when it’s yelling at you.
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