Gov. Wes Moore Unveils the “Powerless Ball,” a World-Class Dark Attraction
MARYLAND — In what state officials are calling “a visionary leap into the future, minus the future part,” Maryland proudly announced it will host a replica of Las Vegas’ iconic Sphere—only to discover there is not nearly enough electricity to turn it on.
Moments later, Wes Moore reportedly rebranded the project as the “Powerless Ball,” describing it as “a bold statement on sustainability, restraint, and vibes.”
“This is not a failure,” Moore said at a press conference illuminated entirely by emergency lanterns. “This is a living metaphor for Maryland governance.”
A Monument to Ambition (and Extension Cords)
Originally pitched as a state-of-the-art entertainment venue capable of immersive concerts, digital art, and 360-degree visual experiences, the Maryland Sphere will now specialize in:
- Being very large
- Being very dark
- Being extremely on brand
Officials confirmed the structure will remain unpowered “for the foreseeable future,” citing grid constraints, environmental reviews, infrastructure studies, and a 47-step public comment process scheduled to conclude sometime around 2049.
“We have plenty of electricity,” clarified one state energy official. “Just not for this.”
Officials Pivot to Spin Mode
State leaders quickly reframed the situation as an intentional policy choice.
“This is about equity,” said one aide. “If rural Maryland can’t have reliable power, why should a giant disco orb?”
Others praised the Powerless Ball as the nation’s first carbon-neutral entertainment venue, noting it produces zero emissions by producing absolutely nothing at all.
Tourism officials say visitors will still be able to enjoy the exterior, especially at night, when the Sphere blends seamlessly into the darkness—much like Maryland’s long-term energy plan.
A Battery Icon Becomes the Logo
Designers revealed the Sphere’s new official logo: a massive red low-battery warning icon, glowing faintly when the moonlight hits it just right.
“It really speaks to the Maryland experience,” said one branding consultant. “You’re excited, you’re hopeful, and then—10% battery.”
Merchandise ideas are already in development, including:
- “I Went to the Sphere and All I Got Was This Flashlight”
- “Maryland: Come for the Taxes, Stay Because the Grid Collapsed”
- Limited-edition glow sticks (sold separately, batteries not included)
Vegas Responds
Sources say Las Vegas officials sent Maryland a brief message of support reading: “Thoughts and prayers. Also, maybe build power plants?”
Meanwhile, Maryland lawmakers are exploring emergency solutions, including:
- Plugging the Sphere into Delaware
- Running it on offshore wind (once the wind shows up)
- Asking residents to turn off their air conditioners for concerts
The Future Is Dim (Literally)
Despite the setback, state leaders remain optimistic.
“This project proves Maryland can still think big,” Moore said. “We just can’t turn it on yet.”
Construction continues as planned. Electricity does not.
Credit: Mark Fisher
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