DENVER — With seven days standing between them and a trip to the Super Bowl, the Denver Broncos have officially entered what team officials are calling “the nostalgia phase of competitive decision-making.”

After sophomore sensation Bo Nix suffered a season-ending ankle injury in the playoffs, and after witnessing Philip Rivers casually unretire to play meaningful football this season, Denver announced it will work out Peyton Manning, John Elway, Jay Cutler, and Ben DiNucci ahead of next week’s conference championship game.

“Yes, we play in the conference championship next week,” a Broncos executive confirmed. “No, we are not panicking. This is… strategic archaeology.”

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The Logic (Such As It Is)

Team insiders say the front office reached its decision after a simple realization:

“If Philip Rivers can come out of retirement and throw passes in an NFL uniform, then time has officially stopped working.”

Within hours, Denver began calling every quarterback whose Wikipedia page includes the phrase ‘Broncos legend.’

Manning reportedly answered on the first ring.
Elway answered while already warming up.
Cutler answered eventually.
DiNucci was apparently still sleeping at the practice facility since the last time he suited up for the Broncos.

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Inside the Workouts

The workouts, scheduled discreetly between a physical therapy clinic and the team museum, will include:

• Three-step drops (six-step drops were ruled out by medical staff)
• Short, medium, and emotionally safe throws
• A two-minute drill capped at one minute and thirty seconds
• Mandatory sideline naps

Manning is said to be confident.

“I’ve still got it,” Manning said. “I mean, not it it. But enough it to beat a zone defense if everyone listens.”

Elway evaluated the session in real time.

“I like the arm talent,” Elway said, immediately after throwing one pass to himself.

Cutler declined media questions, reportedly asking only:
“Is this winner-take-all, or can I just vibe?”

DiNucci kept asking the others for their autograph.

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Sean Payton: Calm, Measured, Slightly Unhinged

Head coach Sean Payton dismissed concerns about installing a new quarterback one week before the conference title game.

“These guys don’t need a playbook,” Payton said. “They are the playbook.”

When asked about mobility, Payton waved it off.

“We’re not asking them to scramble. We’re asking them to stand tall, throw darts, and glare at receivers when things go wrong. That’s championship football.”

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Fans Embrace the Chaos

Broncos fans have already begun rationalizing the move.

• “Peyton could still win with one good arm and three good audibles.”
• “Elway already knows how this story ends.”
• “Jay Cutler in a conference championship would heal something in me.”
• “DiNucci, he just happened to still be here.”

Vegas sportsbooks reportedly paused betting lines to check whether time travel is now legal under NFL rules.

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What Happens Next?

If one of the three legends proves “serviceable enough to survive four quarters,” Denver will start them in the conference championship with a stripped-down game plan consisting of:

• Slants
• Screens
• One deep shot per half
• And yelling “Omaha” until morale improves

If not, sources say the Broncos will consider:

• A cardboard cutout of Peyton Manning
• DiNucci
• A very confident assistant coach
• Or letting the defense play quarterback by committee

As one Broncos staffer summed it up:

“We’re not trying to be perfect. We’re just trying to get to the Super Bowl before the universe remembers how calendars work.”