PALM BEACH, FL — In what aides described as “the most relaxed diplomatic environment since the Cuban Missile Crisis,” Donald Trump hosted an impromptu peace summit this weekend at Mar-a-Lago, inviting Vladimir Putin, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, and Benjamin Netanyahu to “work things out like adults” — by playing with Tonka trucks on a Persian rug.

According to sources present, the former president opened the summit by dumping a plastic bin of construction vehicles onto the floor and announcing, “This is how you rebuild the world. I know trucks. Nobody knows trucks better than me.”

A New Framework for Peace: Vroom-Vroom Accords

Trump reportedly laid out the rules: no shouting, no sanctions, and absolutely no touching the crane without asking. Putin immediately claimed the largest dump truck “for historical reasons.” Zelensky countered that the truck had been “illegally occupied.” Netanyahu requested assurances that the sandbox perimeter would be secure and demanded Iron Dome-level air superiority over the Hot Wheels runway.

Trump, acting as mediator, referee, and self-appointed Secretary of Transportation, proposed a compromise: Putin gets the dump truck on weekdays, Zelensky gets it on weekends, and Netanyahu gets exclusive rights to the bulldozer “because bulldozers build, folks, they really build.”

Intelligence Briefings, But Make Them Plastic

White House-style briefing folders were replaced with laminated placemats showing diagrams of imaginary roads. Trump gestured at a Tonka excavator and declared, “This is infrastructure. Biden talked about it. I did it.”

Putin was observed quietly lining up trucks in perfect formation, insisting the sandbox historically belonged to him. Zelensky attempted to push back diplomatically but was blocked when Trump accidentally built a toll road directly through the middle of the play area and began charging admission.

Netanyahu, meanwhile, reportedly suggested a two-sandbox solution, which was immediately vetoed when Trump said, “One sandbox. Very unified. Tremendous sandbox.”

Talks Break Down Over Crushed Plastic Ambulance

Tensions escalated after a Tonka ambulance was accidentally flattened during what Trump called a “controlled demolition.” Zelensky demanded accountability. Putin denied involvement. Netanyahu requested an investigation. Trump blamed the media and announced the ambulance was “never that ambulancy to begin with.”

The summit officially ended when Trump stood up, dusted off his hands, and proclaimed the talks “a huge success” before adding, “Peace is basically done. We just need better trucks. American-made.”

Statement From Mar-a-Lago

In a closing statement released by the resort, Trump said he was “very proud” of the progress made and hinted at a follow-up summit involving Kim Jong Un, a LEGO Death Star, and “the best race track you’ve ever seen.”

As of press time, global conflicts remained unresolved, the Tonka dump truck was still missing one wheel, and Trump was reportedly asking aides if the Nobel Peace Prize “comes in gold.”