In a stunning blow for free-range comedy, The Onion has bravely protected America from the terrifying threat of a small, hyper-local joke website in suburban Maryland.

The enemy? A scrappy Montgomery County satire site formerly known as Montgonion, whose greatest crime was daring to make jokes about school boards, zoning meetings, and inexplicable moose sightings within a 15-mile radius of Rockville.

The enforcer? Global Tetrahedron — the private-equity-flavored media firm that acquired The Onion in 2024 and immediately set out to prove, once and for all, that satire is only funny when approved by corporate counsel.

“This Town Ain’t Big Enough for Two Root Vegetables”

According to reports from The MoCo Show, Global Tetrahedron sent Montgonion a cease-and-desist letter warning that its name posed an existential threat to The Onion’s global fake news empire.

Sources say executives feared readers might accidentally confuse:

• A billion-dollar satire brand with international reach
• With a website making jokes about Montgomery County Council work sessions

“This was about trademark dilution,” said a person familiar with the matter. “If we let one county have an onion, next thing you know every township in America will be laughing independently.”

From Onion to Leek: A Forced Vegetable Transition

Rather than fight the legal steamroller, Montgonion complied — and rebranded as Montgomery Leek, proving once again that satire writers are faster, pettier, and funnier than lawyers.

The new name accomplishes several things at once:

• It remains a vegetable
• It acknowledges the layered nature of local government nonsense
• It subtly suggests that insiders keep leaking information they can’t say publicly

Global Tetrahedron reportedly reviewed the name and concluded that leeks are currently non-threatening.

Corporate Satire Learns What Satire Is

Ironically, the episode has reminded many readers what satire actually does:
It punches up.
It mocks power.
It thrives outside boardrooms.

By contrast, nothing screams “cutting-edge comedy” quite like a multinational media firm policing a county-level parody site that openly describes itself as satire, makes no money worth mentioning, and primarily exists to process civic trauma through jokes about mulch.

Media analysts note that The Onion, once famous for skewering corporate overreach, has now achieved full comedic enlightenment by becoming the thing it used to mock.

“This is character development,” said one observer. “Just not the kind writers usually want.”

The Leek Lives On

Montgomery Leek insists nothing else has changed:

• Same jokes
• Same targets
• Same dumb community pranks
• Same lovingly vicious take on local absurdity

If anything, the forced rebrand has only strengthened its voice — turning a legal nuisance into content, and a corporate flex into an object lesson.

As for Global Tetrahedron, insiders say the company is already monitoring farmers’ markets nationwide to ensure no additional vegetables develop a sense of humor.

Because in today’s media landscape, satire is free — as long as it’s centrally licensed, legally sterilized, and absolutely incapable of offending anyone with power.

Long live the Leek.