NEW YORK — In a bold move described by supporters as “transformational” and by firefighters as “a literal fire hazard,” mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani announced his pick for FDNY commissioner this week: a well-credentialed civic thinker whose résumé notably lacks any experience fighting fires.

According to the transition team, the selection reflects Mamdani’s commitment to “reimagining public safety,” a phrase that in New York now apparently means reimagining what qualifications are.

At the press conference, the mayor-elect praised the appointee’s background in policy memos, community listening sessions, and longform Twitter threads. “We don’t need someone stuck in the old mindset of ‘fire bad, water good,’” Mamdani said. “We need someone who can ask deeper questions. Why is the building on fire? Who started the fire? And could the fire have been prevented by rent stabilization?”

Firefighters, many of whom spent decades climbing smoke-filled stairwells while carrying people who outweigh the mayor’s campaign donors combined, reportedly learned of the appointment via push notification. Several initially assumed it was satire.

“It’s not that we’re against innovation,” said one FDNY captain while checking his oxygen tank. “But usually innovation comes after you’ve learned which end of the hose does what.”

Mamdani’s office defended the decision by pointing out that the new commissioner once completed a mandatory fire drill without panicking and has strong feelings about sirens. “Experience is overrated,” a spokesperson explained. “What matters is values alignment. This commissioner believes fires disproportionately impact marginalized communities, and that belief alone should lower response times.”

The announcement has already prompted internal changes. Traditional firefighter training manuals are expected to be replaced with a slimmer, values-forward guide titled Flames, Systems, and You. Firehouses may soon host restorative-justice circles where fires can explain themselves before being extinguished.

Meanwhile, the Fire Department of the City of New York confirmed it is preparing orientation materials for leadership unfamiliar with concepts like ladder trucks, hydrants, or why fire tends to spread upward.

Mamdani closed the press conference by urging critics to “trust the process” and reminding New Yorkers that many of history’s greatest leaders had no experience before taking charge. “No one had experience being the first mayor of a new New York,” he said. “And frankly, fire has been running this city for too long.”

At press time, the new commissioner was reportedly meeting with senior staff to ask whether fires burn differently in co-ops than in rent-stabilized units, and whether blazes can be de-escalated verbally before hoses are deployed.